In this post on Hoopla today, Lisa Linton shared her experiences in being a married woman who has retained her maiden name. As someone who has done the same (for many of the usual reasons mentioned in her article), it was bound to get my attention. But it was the comment that "that (there) is this unspoken pressure (whether we put it on ourselves or not) that prompts 90 percent of marrying women to change their name to their husband’s..." Linton reckons that "while we strive for equality in the workplace and kitchen, it seems the last thing to change is this archaic tradition."
Is that right? Do 90% of women still change their names? Sure, that was most certainly the case for my mum's generation, but I really thought we'd progressed a long way from that...
What's your take? If you're married, did you change your name? What if you divorced? What if you had kids?
Just curious, that's all!
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Anonymous commented on 23-Jan-2012 07:55 PM
Helen Wiseman commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:01 PM
The SheEO commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:07 PM
The SheEO commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:11 PM
Melissa Watts commented on 24-Jan-2012 09:10 AM
Nikki White commented on 24-Jan-2012 09:50 AM
AW commented on 24-Jan-2012 10:13 AM
The SheEO commented on 24-Jan-2012 01:59 PM
Anonymous commented on 23-Jan-2012 07:55 PM
I thought the "progression" would have been that we can now choose...you are assuming that we would choose to keep the also patriachal title carried down from the male parent...seems just as archaic AND NO LESS LIBERATING!
Helen Wiseman commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:01 PM
At the age of 23 I got married and went with tradition. I changed my maiden name to my married name of Wiseman. I liked the new name although it took me a few months for the surname to feel a part of me. I would not have dreamt of keeping my maiden name
- it was just not the done thing and it seemed unromantic to not change my name. I used to enjoy practicing writing my new name before our wedding day! (hey, the Princess Diana style of romantic wedding was still in vogue back then). Well, seven years later
the divorce was finalised but although it didn't work out, my first husband was (and is) a fantastic man, a really beautiful person. We had many happy times, we shared many years together - I have always felt that these memories and what he brought to my life
were and continue to be worth honouring many years on. So I kept my married name. Although a secondary reason at that time, I was also busy growing my career and it was too much hassle to change it. Along came husband number 2 - this time I was 35 years old
and life was even more complicated still. It was simply too much hassle to change my surname again, and my first married name of Wiseman is what everyone knows me by professionally. I didn't keep my surname for feminist reasons, purely practical reasons. Luckily
my wonderful husband is a practical chappy himself and he never asked that I change my surname to his - too busy on his own stuff and more important things in life to worry about. But if he had felt that it was important to him to change my name, I would have
changed it. I would still change it now if he has an epiphany one day and decides after ten years of marriage that this is something that really matters to him. I would do this purely out of respect and love for him and not because of any kind of sense of
marital duty! As you can tell, I am not too attached to surnames (unless it was something really awful - my husband has a nice surname). Whilst I have strong views about the advancement of women, women having a seat at the table etc I believe that what surname
you decide to go with is a matter of personal choice and that there is a role for tradition if that is what you like. Of course, some women feel a pressure to change their surname when they don't want to - all I can do is share my experience. I am lucky that
I have never had an issue or challenge (that I am aware of) regarding my choice to keep my first married name whilst being married to hubby number 2. People see that we are comfortable with it and happy and it really does not concern me what people think of
it other than hubby. Notwithstanding that the decision to retain married surname number 1 was primarily driven from practicality, I do like the fact that I have retained something "tangible" from marriage number 1 as a way of honouring the man with whom I
shared twelve years of my adult life.
- it was just not the done thing and it seemed unromantic to not change my name. I used to enjoy practicing writing my new name before our wedding day! (hey, the Princess Diana style of romantic wedding was still in vogue back then). Well, seven years later
the divorce was finalised but although it didn't work out, my first husband was (and is) a fantastic man, a really beautiful person. We had many happy times, we shared many years together - I have always felt that these memories and what he brought to my life
were and continue to be worth honouring many years on. So I kept my married name. Although a secondary reason at that time, I was also busy growing my career and it was too much hassle to change it. Along came husband number 2 - this time I was 35 years old
and life was even more complicated still. It was simply too much hassle to change my surname again, and my first married name of Wiseman is what everyone knows me by professionally. I didn't keep my surname for feminist reasons, purely practical reasons. Luckily
my wonderful husband is a practical chappy himself and he never asked that I change my surname to his - too busy on his own stuff and more important things in life to worry about. But if he had felt that it was important to him to change my name, I would have
changed it. I would still change it now if he has an epiphany one day and decides after ten years of marriage that this is something that really matters to him. I would do this purely out of respect and love for him and not because of any kind of sense of
marital duty! As you can tell, I am not too attached to surnames (unless it was something really awful - my husband has a nice surname). Whilst I have strong views about the advancement of women, women having a seat at the table etc I believe that what surname
you decide to go with is a matter of personal choice and that there is a role for tradition if that is what you like. Of course, some women feel a pressure to change their surname when they don't want to - all I can do is share my experience. I am lucky that
I have never had an issue or challenge (that I am aware of) regarding my choice to keep my first married name whilst being married to hubby number 2. People see that we are comfortable with it and happy and it really does not concern me what people think of
it other than hubby. Notwithstanding that the decision to retain married surname number 1 was primarily driven from practicality, I do like the fact that I have retained something "tangible" from marriage number 1 as a way of honouring the man with whom I
shared twelve years of my adult life.
The SheEO commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:07 PM
Hi Anon no I'm not assuming anything. Though it's still more common for a child to take it's father's name in Australia, I do have friends where that's not the case, so I wouldn't assume. In my situation, I decided that if my child was a boy he would take
his father's surname; if it was a girl she would take mine. It was a boy - so he has his father's surname, and my surname as a middle name. Like I said, just curious.
his father's surname; if it was a girl she would take mine. It was a boy - so he has his father's surname, and my surname as a middle name. Like I said, just curious.
The SheEO commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:11 PM
That's really interesting Helen, thanks for your comment. After all these years, I didn't know the story, and it's just so "you"! I remember my first marriage, I had discussed at length with my first husband that I would be keeping my name. After the marriage
(and before the divorce!) he went nuts - claiming he thought I meant I'd take his name as well as... so to keep the peace I hyphernated. It made it somewhat easier to drop his name off and just get back to mine after the divorce - but with very different circumstances
to yours, it still irks me that my early degree and professional qualifications were in that name... oh well, c'est la vie...
(and before the divorce!) he went nuts - claiming he thought I meant I'd take his name as well as... so to keep the peace I hyphernated. It made it somewhat easier to drop his name off and just get back to mine after the divorce - but with very different circumstances
to yours, it still irks me that my early degree and professional qualifications were in that name... oh well, c'est la vie...
Melissa Watts commented on 24-Jan-2012 09:10 AM
This is a great article. I'm currently pregnant with my first child and my partner and I have chosen (about 5 years ago) not to get married. Thus I have never had the changing name issue. However we do have the issue of choosing a surname for our child.
My partner would like our children to have my surname, he feels awkward about the usual approach of them taking his surname purely because it's tradition. I don't mind them taking his surname, they have to have one so his is as good as any. I don't mind having
a different surname to my children (some women have suggested that's a good enough reason to get married and change my name.) I think regardless of the surname our children will be smart enough to work out who their parents are. I never realised how much of
an issue it was until now, people are naturally referring to my partner as my husband because I'm pregnant, and I'm constantly being asked about surnames.
My partner would like our children to have my surname, he feels awkward about the usual approach of them taking his surname purely because it's tradition. I don't mind them taking his surname, they have to have one so his is as good as any. I don't mind having
a different surname to my children (some women have suggested that's a good enough reason to get married and change my name.) I think regardless of the surname our children will be smart enough to work out who their parents are. I never realised how much of
an issue it was until now, people are naturally referring to my partner as my husband because I'm pregnant, and I'm constantly being asked about surnames.
Nikki White commented on 24-Jan-2012 09:50 AM
Hmmm I'm in the same boat as Helen... White is my married name to my ex-husband and it was just who I had become plus I liked the sound of it, it gave me the same surname as my kids and frankly once divorced I didn't care enough to change it. Besides the
fact that I wouldn't dream of going back to my maiden name. Now wedding discussions are happening with new man and I have been stuck in the dilemma of what to do. I have decided to go with another change... though it has been a big decision. I was concerned
about my brand that I had built based on my name however the reason for my decision is that I think it will be a good energy shift... base my name around love and not anger & resentment plus it's a good excuse to contact all my customers once the change occurs
:) Stay tuned for the re-brand!!
fact that I wouldn't dream of going back to my maiden name. Now wedding discussions are happening with new man and I have been stuck in the dilemma of what to do. I have decided to go with another change... though it has been a big decision. I was concerned
about my brand that I had built based on my name however the reason for my decision is that I think it will be a good energy shift... base my name around love and not anger & resentment plus it's a good excuse to contact all my customers once the change occurs
:) Stay tuned for the re-brand!!
AW commented on 24-Jan-2012 10:13 AM
This debate seems to come up periodically, more so in the last few years I think. I got married 5 years ago and changed my name for three reasons. 1. I didn't really like my maiden name, anyway; 2. My father and I work in the same field and he is very
well known, so I was pleased to be able to forge my own path; 3. Coming from divorced parents, I was keen to have a symbolic sense of family to reflect the actual family we were creating. I think people are very keen to reinforce conformity to social norms.
In the end, though, it should be no one's business but your own. My mum always had a different name to me and it never occurred to me that it should be an issue. It didn't make her any less my mum! Ultimately, there are just more important issues in the world.
We need to stop trying to control women and focus on the stuff that matters!
well known, so I was pleased to be able to forge my own path; 3. Coming from divorced parents, I was keen to have a symbolic sense of family to reflect the actual family we were creating. I think people are very keen to reinforce conformity to social norms.
In the end, though, it should be no one's business but your own. My mum always had a different name to me and it never occurred to me that it should be an issue. It didn't make her any less my mum! Ultimately, there are just more important issues in the world.
We need to stop trying to control women and focus on the stuff that matters!
The SheEO commented on 24-Jan-2012 01:59 PM
Melissa your post is really interesting - I'm going to be interested to find out what you end up going with for the bub's name... You could be like Anna Bligh and her (now) husband... I remember reading they were together for something like 20 years before
they eventually got married (quite recently) and as they weren't married when they had their kids (and I think never expected that they would marry) they decided that they preferred a completely neutral surname to either one of their own... so that's what
they did!
they eventually got married (quite recently) and as they weren't married when they had their kids (and I think never expected that they would marry) they decided that they preferred a completely neutral surname to either one of their own... so that's what
they did!
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